Fun with the Onion

Now, The Onion, of course, is well known for having a lot of fun spoofing things. There was a note that appeared in The Onion from Karen Seubert, who’s the privacy and security expert for Chase Bank. And she says,

“At Chase Bank, we recognize the value of online banking. It’s quick, convenient, and available any time you need it. Unfortunately, though, the threats posed by malware and identity theft are very real, and all too common nowadays.

“That’s why, when you’re finished with your online banking session, we recommend three simple steps to protect your personal information: Number one, log out of your account. Second, close your browser. And then, three, charter a seafaring vessel to take you 30 miles out into the ocean, and throw your computer overboard. Yes, online banking security is as easy as one-two-three. Chase is committed to making your banking experience enjoyable, trouble-free, and, above all, safe. Which is why you should strike your computer with 20 to 25 forceful blows from a pipe wrench as soon as you reach international waters, toss the plastic and metal shards into the sea, and then immediately sink the ship you’re on. And then, once you dive to the sea floor, grab the scattered computer pieces, and shove them all inside living clams, you’ll be able to rest easy knowing you’re banking smarter and safer with Chase.”


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